In my last post, How to make yourself fall out of love, I mentioned my tendency to devalue those who treat me well and idealize those who treat me poorly. It’s something I’ve done over and over again throughout my life with little awareness.
But after writing that line, it stuck with me all week. I wondered why that was.
If I feel hurt, I will express rage. I may attempt to counter-control, counter-manipulate or straight up fight. But inside, there’s this nagging feeling that says I must deserve this. I am lower than. My opinions count less. My feelings count less.
Having no empathy means having none for myself either.
I think the person doing this to me is better. I obsess over why they would hurt me. Why I’m unworthy of their love or respect. I want to understand them, and understand why I didn’t measure up…
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